In other words, I'm just going to take it as a compliment because I look fine to you. Because I am a good actress for playing the fine role so well.The more awareness there is for illnesses like multiple sclerosis, Crohn’s disease, fibromyalgia, PCOS etc., the less judgment there will be for us living with these invisible illnesses.
Don’t let them get to you. They just want to break you. Hang on in there. No one knows your story. They don’t even know half of what you’ve been through and they are so quick to judge you. You are beautiful. I know you are. I was too. I just didn’t get anyone to remind me that.
My intensified nightmares that couldn't let me sleep through the night horrified me, and I spiraled into my own suicidal depression. If my father didn't want anything to do with me, maybe I didn’t deserve to live. I felt completely worthless. And my self-loathing made me feel like a burden to this world. I wanted to die. Like now now. If only I'd just make a wish and wake up in Heaven. That would be so easy.
I don't feel well but explaining it doesn't lessen my pain sweetheart. I will still feel every bit of it. I'll still cry silently. And you will still doubt my illness and worse dismiss it like everyone else. So I will just say, I am fine.
I was only in my early twenties but honestly, I felt like an old lady. I was miserable in all fronts. It was Mid-way through a bout of trying to get chores done. I had been ignoring the on and off ache at the base of my spine and kept passing it off as just PMS - pre-menstrual syndrome. But then suddenly, out of the blues - Pouf : a feeling that something deep inside was going amiss ; not a click, not a snap, just a-hard-to explain signal that something's gone quite wrong. It was bad. I couldn't stand up and trying to kneel or sit would be ten times more painful. I was scared. Scared of paralysis. I thought I was going to die.
You all say I'm lazy. But what you don't know is, every new day brings a new set of issues for me. Some days I can't get out of bed. Not that I'm lazy, but because I'm Sick. Sick of Living. Do you know I have Chronic pain, Endometriosis, PCOS-that also causes my Insulin resistance and chronic fatigue syndrome? I want you to know that some days I am not excited about life. I just try to survive. I want to be Okay like your children. I want to see my dreams come true, I want to advance my education - I want to make Mama proud. But I need to Stop feeling Sick first.